Paradise Lost – a short story by Madelon Smid

Barry had a big smile on his face as he boarded the DC8 that would fly him to Hawaii. He smiled because he knew with a certainty that he was going to get laid. Not just once, either, but over and over again. Ahead of him walked the source of his pleasure.

He’d met her on the famous beach of English Bay in Vancouver only days before. Gidget Bigelow “NO, I really am called that!” She’d wiggled with pleasure when a big wave drove them together. And a Big hello to you, too, Barry thought as her silky legs tangled with his. She’d gushed her enthusiasm for any stretch of sand. “The sun and water arouses me,” she’d breathed in her little girl voice, “doesn’t it make you just sooooo hot?” With her tanned belly and thighs and voluptuous breasts pressed against him, Barry felt all of that, and more. When he eagerly shared his experiences of swimming in Hawaii, she clung to him cooing enthusiastically.  Like a racer who hears the starting pistol Barry offered her a long weekend in Hawaii.

Walking down the aisle of the airplane he still couldn’t believe his luck.

Gidget wriggled herself into the centre seat of three. An elderly lady with a tight perm and bright pink cardigan already hugged the window. The last minute tickets meant Barry hadn’t been able to get good seats, but he didn’t mind, he was counting on the long flight to give him lots of snuggling time. He settled into his seat just as Gidget turned to say something to him. Her size 38 enhanced breast rubbed against his arm and Little Barry twitched to attention. Big Barry quickly accepted the pillow and blanket the Flight Attendant offered him for the overnight flight and dropped them over his lap. Phew!

Expo Vancouver 1986. Every Canadian wanted to be there. Planes were filled to capacity all gathering on the west coast. This was not a good time to fly to Maui for a holiday, but Barry didn’t care. Barry didn’t care about anything but the fabulous looking woman by his side. Even the snotty Flight attendant who had greeted them didn’t faze Barry. He figured the reason they’d been ordered to check their carryon luggage was to make room for the guy’s attitude.

“Barry Werry, can’t you make that person stop smoking.” Gidget’s breathy voice raised a notch in irritation as she wafted the air with fuchsia tipped fingers and wrinkled her nose in disgust.”

The nickname didn’t please him, but her helpless need did. Barry turned to the Flight attendant and inquired if they were indeed sitting in the “no smoking section”. The middle-aged male pursed his lips and explained in a condescending voice that they were in the no smoking and the smoking began the row ahead. “But, Barry, Werry, what is the point of getting a no smoking seat if you have to breathe it in anyway?” Gidget whimpered. Barry asked to change to a seat further away – this in a plane that didn’t have a whisker width of room left. Now, with a legitimate reason to dislike them, Mr. Snarky scowled and told them both to fasten their seatbelts. Barry made a great deal out of fishing around their hips for the belts and helping Gidget to fasten hers. Like a supervising teacher in a playground, the elderly woman at the window never took her eyes off them. But Barry didn’t mind – his thoughts leapt ahead till later …

Dinner service came and went, dark descended, the cabin lights were lowered in the hopes that passengers would fall asleep and give the flight attendants a break. Midnight found them over the Pacific Ocean.

With Gidget’s breast pressed against his right arm, her light breath fanning his cheek, Barry floated in a blissful daydream of the best way to cop a feel without the old gimlet-eyed lady seeing him. He’d already suggested that Gidget share his blanket hoping he could drape it over both of them and get down to business. “Oh Barry Werry, that would make me just too hot. It’s warm in here don’t you think? Maybe Barry Werry could adjust the air flow for me.” Wincing, Barry opened the vent and then settled back to enjoy the scent of baby talc as it wafted toward him along with the faint warmth radiating from her body. He spread his legs so his thigh rested against hers and sank back into his fantasy. Suddenly Gidget was pushing his arm and whimpering in earnest. “Barry, I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” she whispered in urgent tones. “Get up. Let me out. Something I ate …” The fact that she hadn’t taken the time to extend his name spoke volumes. Barry struggled out of his nest of blanket and pillows, fighting the seatbelt, stumbling over the shoes he’d shed earlier and helped her to rise. She pushed past him and fled toward the toilet in the rear of the plane. Oh, no, I sure hope this doesn’t wreck our weekend.

He settled back to wait, clutching his shoes, blanket and pillow and not bothering to do his seat belt up so when fire alarms shrieked from every direction, causing him to leap toward the nearest exit, he hit his head on the overhead baggage compartment. The crazed Flight attendant hammered on the lavatory door, yelling in his French Canadian accent, “Opennn these dor.” Then “Ouvrez la porte cet instant,” as if there would actually be a non English speaking passenger on the airplane. Ha! The hammering continued until finally the door open and Gidget pranced out looking harassed and huffy. As she headed toward him Barry had the ungentlemanly instinct to hide under his blanket and pretend he didn’t know her.

“Barry Werry,” she panted as if she’d flown there under her own power, “do you know what happens when you light a match in an aircraft lavatory?”

“Yeah,” Barry said, for the first time not quite as enamoured with his potential sex kitten. “All hell breaks loose.”

“That awful man just kept yelling at me to open the door when I had my panties down around my ankles. I was terrified. I thought the plane was crashing. He yelled at me until I’d pulled up my jeans and opened the door. He was mean to me, Barry Werry,” her eyes narrowed menacingly, “I think you should talk to him about his manners.”

Barry who had already seen the fury on Monsieur Quebec’s face wasn’t going there for even the best piece of tail in Hawaii.

“He thought I was sneaking a smoke. He’s really stupid because he knows I don’t smoke. Her raised voice held the interest of the other 233 souls, who roused from their sleep by the shrilling alarm and loaded with adrenaline, smothered them in a miasma of loathing.

“You know there are other reasons to light a match in a bathroom,” Gidget waved her fist at the Flight Attendants. “Oh damn, now I’ve broken a nail, Barry Werry.”

If he could have gotten hold of it, Barry wanted to take the “Werry” off his name and wrap it tightly around her neck. He settled for sorting out his blanket, re-doing their seat belts and using her broken nail as an excuse to kiss her finger then up her arm and over her breast – she seemed oblivious to his poor aim, but the old lady sitting ramrod straight gave him a knowing look and shake of her head.

They arrived in Honolulu around 2:00 am and stepped off the plane to breathe in humid air heavy with the scent of blossoming Bougainvillea and ginger. Barry figured the pissed off passengers and Flight Attendant had formed a hate coalition to make sure he was the last off and therefore the last in the line for customs. He expected to find a big X gouged in the side of his suitcase so he’d be searched. The airport cleared. They stood there alone.

Barry had been told that there would be a commuter plane available to fly them over to Maui. However, when he inquired at Information where to board it, the woman never bothered to point out it would be seven more hours before it appeared and instead sent them on to an outdoor gate system where the planes drew up along a long cement tongue poking from the main airport. Carrying both their heavy bags and Gidget’s two carry ons he trudged about a half mile with Gidget dancing along behind him bemoaning the fact that her jeans felt too hot and she needed to change into shorts. The main terminal lights grew dimmer and they found themselves isolated in the dark. Everything was closed down and locked up tighter than a widow’s windows. As they stood there wondering what to do next a patrol car drew up and a policeman got out. “What are you doing out here at this time of night?” When Barry explained the situation, he said with some disgust, “They should have told you to wait at the main terminal. I am going to sit here while you go over to that pay phone and call a taxi to take you to a motel.” He named the closest motel then had to give Barry an American quarter to make the call. Barry squirmed, Gidget chattered and the policeman waited stalwartly in his cruiser never taking his eyes from them until ten minutes and thirty-seven seconds later a taxi drove up.

By the time Barry got Gidget into the motel room it was 3:30 am and although he could never, ever, be too exhausted for sex, Gidget apparently was. Barry turned on the TV while Gidget monopolized the bathroom.

“The suspect is armed and dangerous. Police found his vehicle abandoned inside the airport grounds just after midnight. The man is believed to have murdered two people earlier this evening.” Now Barry understood why the policeman had insisted on staying there to protect them until they were safely away. They must have looked like prime hostage material. “Take us we’re tourists.” He decided Gidget was better left in ignorance – which he concluded by now was her default position.

After this the morning flight in the Fockker aircraft to Maui seemed anti climactic. They arrived at Paradise. A deserted paradise! A lone taxi took them from the airport to the luxurious gated community where Barry’s friend owned a condo. The road and yards were empty. When they finally got to the condominium headquarters to check in, a breathless employee rushed to the main desk. Apparently a hurricane had passed near to the island and fearing a tsunami, officials had ordered everyone to the highest ground – the golf course. People were just now returning to their homes and businesses. Ah, and they’d missed all the fun!

“Oh Barry Werry Jerry, just think we could have been killed,” Gidget shrilled.

And you don’t know the half of it, thought Barry.

The condominium was the height of luxury, with every amenity. An enclosed courtyard enticed him onto a private patio at the back and luxurious grounds spread down to a private pool and beach in front. They changed into summer wear and went on a tour. You’d think by this point Barry’s fantasies would begin to approach reality. But no, Gidget’s energy levels could have powered the island. She spent every minute in the condo with the phone affixed to her ear talking to her friends in Canada about the luxurious condo surroundings. At first he wallowed in his sense of pride that he had impressed her, but as the phone bill mounted along with his libido he started to get pissed off. He figured a beer would help and snagged one from his friend’s supply, while Gidget dialled yet another number. Finally, she ran out of chitchat or friends, and Barry, well into his fourth Coors was informed they should hit the beach. “After all that’s what we came for Barry Werry Jerry Cherry.”

Maybe that’s what you came for. He almost puked when she said his name. He blamed it on the beer, but the rhyming scheme was getting stale fast.

It took him two minutes tops to shuck his clothes and drag on his swim trunks. Gidget ‘I’ll just use the second bedroom. Then I’ll have a bath of my own and closet space’ Bigelow took a lot longer to change. She tried on three suits before they could go. After one look at his back and a giggle she’d taken to calling him Hairy Barry Werry, but Barry didn’t mind because each was a teeny bikini and Gidget had a body to die for, or at least toast with another beer. At last, they were settled on the private beach. Barry had every intention of using the ocean as a screen for some heavy foreplay, which would of course entice Gidget out of the water and back to the condo. But after frolicking along the edge of the waves Gidget decided that her suit wasn’t up to their power and she should change to another. Frustrated and drunker than a groomsman at a Bachelor party, Barry lay face down on his mat and waited. Little Barry poked the sand below. She returned in a suit that she informed him was better for the pool. With a sigh, he gathered their stuff and followed her swaying hips back up the beach to the crowded patio. There she ignored him while she cavorted with dozens of young people, mostly males who were stronger, faster and pushier than Barry. He lay on a lounge chair fuming, fortified by a couple more beer and the fact that she was going home with him. After dinner at the nearby 5 star hotel, Gidget suggested a late night swim and slipped into yet another bikini. Barry dragged off his jeans and ran after her in his skivvies. Water makes her sexy, he repeated like a mantra as he followed her into the ocean. “Oh Barry Werry,” she grabbed for him with enthusiasm. “Isn’t this roman …” she stopped abruptly as he started screaming like am arachnophobic confronted by a tarantula. “Don’t touch me. For Cripes sake don’t touch me,” he pushed her hands off his body. Her nails scraped across shoulders redder than hot peppers and Barry screamed again – because he’d just realized he was in too much pain to have sex.

He slept in the guest room that night, because, “Scary Barry Werry didn’t need a big old soaker tub and king size bed if he was just going to sleep. Hmph!”

“Barry, werry, jerry, terry, hairy, Gidget, fidget, widget, bitget,” he whispered to himself in a drunken voice that became louder as the hours passed and he descended into the hell of a hangover. His sunburn was so severe, he felt he was being roasted alive and prayed for a quick death—right after Gidget gave him mouth to mouth to revive him and then began stroking him all over, begging for him to take her and … He lost the fantasy as chills wracked his thin frame.

By day three Barry wanted only to plant himself in a shady spot in hopes that Gidget, sauntering by on her way to and from a change of clothes, would hand him a cool drink. He’d long since given up on asking her to put lotion on his burn, because her activities calendar had filled to capacity and she had no time for him. His single swimsuit status meant he had no reason to follow her about, but still hanging on to a thread of a hope that she would soon sit still long enough to come across, he continued to spring out of beach chairs, off blankets and beds like a crazed stalker trying to keep tabs on his obsession.

To avoid the beach and bare skin (he’d have bet his Calgary Flames season tickets he’d never do that) Barry suggested a day in the port of Lahaina. Gidget shopped, while Barry darted from one spot of shade to another. She loitered a long time, looking at a pretty ring with a diamond star on one end of an open band, not quite meeting a crescent moon on the other. Thinking this might be the key to her affections, he bought it for her. Thrilled she slid it onto her pinkie finger and walked about admiring it, her arm half raised her hand tilted in a Queen Elizabeth wave, that caused people to stop and bob half bows and curtsies in her direction just in case she was a celebrity.

With their return to the mainland imminent, Barry was just beginning to recover. Gidget had spent the last evening with her new friends, while Barry lay in a tub of cool water moaning about his bad luck and thinking her truly evil. If she hadn’t changed so often he wouldn’t have been out in the sun waiting for her. Waiting to jump her bones. She didn’t have a thoughtful or giving bone in her luscious body.

When they boarded the commuter flight to Honolulu Gidget’s battery was fully charged, Barry’s all but drained. They had several hours to wait before their flight to Canada took off. After a visit to the rest room Gidget suggested they get lunch at the airport restaurant. Then they went and sat in the lounge while they waited for their flight to be called. Barry was still amazed that all the buildings in Hawaii were open to the outdoors, but now he got his look at the downside of that as some dried plant fragments swept by in a refreshing breeze and buried themselves in his eye. It felt like he’d been stabbed with a chopstick. In agony, he pushed his finger hard against the eyelid to hold his eyeball still. It soothed it a little. So there he sat his finger poking into his eye socket, his tongue poking out to catch his tears, and insensitive Gidget Widget thinking he was making sexual plays for her. She wiggled closer, he came to attention, his arm still in salute position. The moment, if there even was one, dissipated faster than a woodie in a cold shower when she looked down and discovered she’d lost her new ring. The ridiculous became ludicrous. Deciding it must have fallen off when she dried her hands, she returned to the restroom. Barry hovered outside anxious to support her. The door opened and he got a glimpse of a floor covered with crumpled paper towels and several irate women bombarding Gidget with soggy balls of paper they’d scooped up, before she made it out and clear.

“Terry, Hairy Werry,” I think I lost it at lunch. She’d also become lost in the mire of his many names. “We have to go back and check our table.” They reached the restaurant where, of course, their table had been cleared. Nothing on the floor or bench seat—into the kitchen she marched. Barry followed. Either Gidget’s lengthy explanation wore him down or Barry’s tear-soaked face struck a note of sympathy, because they gained permission to go through the food trays containing the unwashed dishes, cleared from the tables. Barry rooted with one arm, his middle finger pressed against his sodden eye. Gidget went through the bins like a high efficiency vacuum. They failed to find her ring.

As they hit the lounge, Gidget let loose with a long string of epithets that would have been censored on all but pornographic channels. A large black man sitting a few seats away, rose, came over and towering above Barry, said, “Mister. dis is not right to speak like dis in dis public place. Discipline your woooman.” Flabbergasted Barry flailed for words. The flight was called just as he was about to try castigating Gidget, who’d swelled to the size of a blowfish in her wrath. Finger in eye, he grabbed her arm and jerked her away from what surely was the biggest linebacker in the NFL and into the boarding line.

He literally swept her on board. As Barry sank into the aisle seat beside Gidget, another elderly lady eyed them dubiously from the window seat. Let her look, he thought, there won’t be anything to see. Gidget had long since figuratively castrated him, and bloodied and torn he’d retreated from the field; the victim of a gorilla war he hadn’t even known he was fighting. Fate had inflicted damage too great to overcome.

“Barry Werry Cherry I’m put out.”

“If only you had,” he sighed.

“You need to punch out that big oaf for being rude to me.” She glared past Barry to the large man seated across the aisle.

Barry scrunched a little lower in his seat. “No I don’t need to Gidget Widget Fidget, better you just sit still and read a magazine and pretend you don’t know me.”

She huffed into angry silence. The one good thing of having three sisters was he knew just how to make a woman shut up.

When the wheels hit the tarmac he couldn’t get down the ramp fast enough. He wasn’t sure if he was missing in action or had just missed the action, but never was there an MIA happier to get out of a war zone.

Tracking Love – a short story by Madelon Smid

Chug-a-chug-a, chug-a-chug-a had become as much a part of Sara as her heart beat. She sat in the glass domed observation car of the trans Canada train and felt the deep rumbling around her, under her, inside her. She didn’t want to be there, so she pushed out her lower lip in her trademark pout, in an attempt to add to her mother’s sense of guilt.

Her younger brother, Russ, craned his neck, hoping to see the engine as they went around a curve, while Sara’s younger sister waltzed her Barbie doll across the wide velour seat. Like Becky, she didn’t want to go to White Rock for Christmas. There was no appeal in cramming themselves into their grandfather’s small condo. They wanted to be home with their friends, surrounded by the familiar, comfortable in their own rooms, with their toys for entertainment. But against all their whining and complaining, their mom had moved forward with her plans. This first Christmas after their father’s death, she insisted they spend in B.C. (Before Christmas was wrecked).

Outside the glass enclosing them like a cage, towering mountains jabbed the clouds. Sara had never seen so much snow. White had tumbled from the sky since they’d gotten on the train in Biggar, SK and followed them like an avenging angel across the prairies, through the foothills and into these looming caverns of rock. It muffled the train’s strained beat as the engine pulling twenty-two cars lumbered up the side of a mountain, slower, slower, snail’s pace slow. The conductor had announced at breakfast they were already three hours behind schedule. Sara felt like the sky had engulfed her, swallowed her whole. She would be trapped in this dismal world forever.

She’d wanted to stay in the compartment and lose herself in a book. Her mother had other ideas. “You’ll never have an opportunity to see such wonderful scenery again. Now, quit sulking and come with me.” Sara practiced small rebellions all the time. But wise to her ways, her mother rejected all Sara’s excuses and pleas, and gave her the look. Sara had no power against this weapon, because you never outright disobeyed a parent. Besides, disappointing Mom always made her gut churn like the old washer agitating clothes behind their summer cabin. Sara scoffed at the world of grey outside the glass dome, making certain her mother heard the mocking sound. She never wanted to see this scenery again. Her mother was selfish, and mean, dragging her away from home at Christmas. Sara curled her legs under her on the cold leather seat and thought of her boyfriend. He was such a hunk. He made her feel safe when he held her. She wouldn’t see him for two weeks now. How could her mother do this to her?

“Play with me, Sara. You promised.” Even though she was sixteen, Sara grabbed the second Barbie and threw herself into Becky’s game, imagining her boyfriend was the prince and she was waltzing in his arms. Pretending was the only thing that helped her escape the reality of her father’s death … for a few minutes. Her mother had sewn them each extensive wardrobes for their dolls. They had far more clothes than most their friends, exquisite ball gowns of sheer, floating fabric, miniature blue jeans and sweaters, nylon stockings and glamorous hats. “Serena is going to the ball, and will win prince charming away from all the other girls,” she declared, as she slid her doll into a gown of pale green net over a silky underskirt.

“No way. The prince already loves Caroline.” Becky twirled her doll across the seat for emphasis.

The eerie sound of the whistle pierced her thoughts as the train approached a tunnel dug into the side of the mountain. Sara gasped for air when they chugged into the dark hole. Would an avalanche swoop down out of the invisible world above, raining rock and snow on them, burying them alive? The world turned black as they wound deeper, the slithering snake of a train seeking a lair, somewhere away from the cold and endless falling snow. She held her breath as the chug-a-chug-a slowed. Would the train stop, trapped by some unseen obstacle, leaving them saturated in darkness?

Then a glimmer of light fell at the front of the car, like the brief lifting of a curtain onto the day. She sucked in air, realizing she’d starved her body of oxygen. What a miserable time. Her mother faced the window, her eyes blank, skin tight and pale, against bones that hadn’t been so prominent months earlier. A wet line tracked her cheek. Sara tried to imagine how she felt, being left alone with five children at the age of forty-five. But as soon as she thought of her father, she felt like a sumo wrestler had leapt on her crushing her into the floor. Tears filled her eyes and pain stabbed her heart like the jagged points of broken ribs.

“Lytton, B.C.” The conductor’s booming voice filled the observation car, as he stepped through the door. Icy air and a blast of carbon smelling fuel accompanied him. Sara hunched into her sweater, wishing she’d worn her jacket, while her mom stopped the conductor. “Sorry Ma’am. We’ve lost another forty minutes with the heavy snow. We won’t be getting into your station until 6:45 tonight.” He checked his pocket watch, cocked his head to the side and closed his eyes. Snapping them open and catching Sara staring at him, he winked, nodded his head at he mother. “Yep, 6:45 if we don’t have further delays.” Mom’s shaky sigh accompanied him out of the car.

“Grandpa’s going to be sitting at that station a long time.” Her voice sounded weary and worried, much like it had for months. Sara pressed against her mother’s side. She curled her legs under her and twisted a strand of hair around and around her finger. Her mother shifted so that Sara sank more heavily against her soft body. For a few seconds she forgot where they where and why, and soaked up comfort, but that wasn’t her mission. She wanted to give comfort, as well. When her mother’s body relaxed and she slanted her a smile, Sara felt as good as when she’d won the badminton championship at school.

Lunchtime released them from the prison of the glass car. They went down the stairs, and lurched their way along the length of the train from one car to the next. Sarah like struggling with the heavy metal doors, holding them open for Mom and Becky, then hearing the hissing weight as they sealed behind her. By the time they reached the dining car, saliva flooded her mouth and her stomach gave an impatient growl. Seated at a table with white linen and heavy sterling, CPR engraved on each piece, she chose from a menu as good as any restaurant. While Becky asked for her inevitable grilled cheese sandwich and fries, and her mother chose a bowl of soup and crackers, which Sara bet would be only half eaten, she decided on Hungarian goulash. She loved trying new foods, and hoped she’d like this choice as much as her chicken pastry from the night before. She’d seen Zaza Gabor on television and read in a movie magazine that she came from Hungary and loved goulash with paprika.

“At this rate, your sister and brother will get there ahead of us.” Mom passed the basket of warm bread to Russ.

“Why couldn’t we all fly? It would have been a lot better than this.” Sara muttered.

“You know your brother had work and Hannah had exams and couldn’t take off the days needed to travel by train. I thought this would be a real treat for you.”

“I like riding on the train.” Russ handed the basket on to Becky.

Sara spooned up her goulash. Outside the wide window white flakes fell, landing on the glass. Like runway models, they paused so she could admire their intricate shapes, before they melted and glided down the smooth surface. In a trance-like state she finished her meal.

But contentment was ephemeral. Within an hour the train was stopped by an avalanche ahead on the tracks. She tried to think good things – at least the tons of snow and torn out trees wasn’t on top of them. But as the hours passed and her mother’s face grew more pinched, her eyes darker with strain, Sara cursed the snow, the tracks necessary to carry the train, the engineer and men moving the obstruction. They were six hours behind schedule when they pulled into the tiny station perched in a narrow valley, where they would meet Grandpa.

Night had long since fallen, and darkness ruled as they stepped onto the wooden platform. The steward set their suitcases onto the wind swept planks. Mom thanked him and gave him a tip. She’d given Russ the tip for the conductor, who’d been so good to them. Russ had it folded neatly in his hand, and stepped forward. Whatever he said was washed away by the wind, but Sara saw him shake the man’s hand and transfer the money, somewhat awkwardly. He turned with a wide grin of satisfaction. The conductor tipped his hat and waved as he picked up the metal step he’d set down for them, and leapt back onto the train. “All aboard,” the conductor called into the gusts of wind. “All aboard.” But no one waited to step onto the train. The station seemed deserted. Mother herded us inside, her head swivelling around the chilly room as she looked for her father. He wasn’t there. A clerk dozed behind the counter, a slice of bald head visible through the small opening where the business of purchasing tickets happened. Mom’s steps lacked the lightness and speed with which she usually moved. “I wonder if there has been an older gentleman waiting here earlier?”

“Ha’n’t seen anybody all day.” He pushed his narrow frame upright, causing the swivel chair to protest in a series of high squeaks.

“May I use your phone to place a call, then?”

“Sorry Ma’am. The phone lines are down somewhere between here and White Rock. Can’t help you.”

Mom wobbled a few steps and sank onto a wooden bench. “Oh no. What now?”

“Maybe the snow held Grandpa up, too.” Sara took her mom’s hand. “Come sit by the stove, Mom. You’ll be warmer.” Once she had her mom closer to the heat, and Becky tucked in beside her, Sara went outside and looked all around. Russ followed her, swooping from one side of the platform to the other, like an owl riding the currents. The wind swept the snow into banks that, in turn, exposed and covered the deck. A ridge was already collecting along the bottom of their suitcases. With a last look at the empty parking lot, and the bushy sides of the looming mountains, she seized the two of the suitcases and hauled them inside. Becky was asleep, lying with her head on her mother’s lap, her legs curled along the hard bench, covered with mother’s coat. She shivered and leaned a little closer to the stove. She tightened her lips. Why did her mom always have to sacrifice her comfort for someone else’s? Russ carried in a case that banged against his knees with every step. Sara slammed back through the door to get the last case. Pacing on the platform she gulped in huge mouthfuls of air, trying to smother the tumult inside her. She hated her mother for dragging her out here, for always putting duty before fun, for being so busy with her clubs and doing stuff for old people that she never had time for Sara. “Bloody hell!” The fire of rebellion heated her blood as she sang out words she was forbidden to say. In seconds a flurry of snow down he collar cooled her brief revolt. Shoulders hunched, Sara hefted the last suitcase and stomped inside.

Slamming the case onto the floor, and her butt into the furthest bench from her mother, didn’t alleviate her anger, at her mother for forcing her to come, at Grandpa for not being there, at Becky for getting all the comfort and warmth of her place beside Mom. Her mom hadn’t even reacted to all her noise. Sara stewed, mixing in a dozen slights and remembered wrongs until the flavor was so bitter she couldn’t stomach the taste. Talk about selfish. She was the queen! Right now Mom needed her father, stepmother and sister for support. During one of Sara’s rants she’d tried to explain her decision. “I can’t face the memories of past Christmas’s at home with your dad. All our friends will visit and offer condolences, again. Each time it brings your father’s death so close – too real. I can’t deal with losing him.”

With a heavy sigh breathed into the chilly room, Sara crossed to her Mom’s case and took out a sweater. “Mom, put this over Becky’s legs and wear your jacket. You’re going to get so chilled you catch a cold.” Her mother’s smile was sweet and non judgmental. She did as Sara asked. “Sit with us.” Her quiet voice held strength. Sara had watched her face every obstacle caused by her father’s sudden death, with courage and dignity. She had utter faith in her mom. She settled down on the other side of her, and packing her angst away gave her mom as much comfort as she’d take.

For two hours they waited. Sara’s stomach burned from anxiety. What would they do if Grandpa couldn’t get there, if they were trapped for days in the tiny station with no food? At least there was a bathroom. Sara entertained Becky and Russ as best she could, choosing word games and singing the alphabet song until they couldn’t think of one more nursery rhyme. And then something special happened. Mom started talking about growing up on the farm, about Grandpa and Gramma as a young couple with two girls. About how her younger sister, Arlene, had followed Grandpa around like a real tomboy, and how Gran had had to cut off her knee length hair because she had heart disease from getting rheumatic fever as a child. Sara learned that Gran was so afraid of giving her daughter’s her illness that she never hugged them. She tried to imagine how her mother felt. No hugs! Mom’s hugs were the best in the world. And she hadn’t gotten any herself. Right then Sara vowed she would hug Mom several times each day. Everybody deserved love, even if they did make you do things you resented. As she focused on her mother’s life instead of her own perceived injuries, she began to see how hard this Christmas was for her mom. There had always been a pattern around Christmas, woven about their father’s business, their parents’ friends. Long days of baking and storing the goodies away required for the big Christmas Eve party, where all Dad’s clients and employees came to the house. Their Dad buying the tree and bringing it home, then watching from the couch as mom and kids decorated, while Debussy played on the record player and the fire crackled. They got to have cokes a rare treat, and a teeny bit of the baking. “We have to save it for our guests.” Duty bound Mom, always doing the correct thing according to society, not always what was best for her family. Sara could see her mom was too frail to take on any of those traditions this year, and could imagine how much she missed her partner’s help. Now, they both wanted their fathers. And if only one of them could have that, she was happy for Mom. She led her sister in a round of Christmas carols.

Finally the door to the stationhouse banged open. Grandpa stood backlit by the falling snow. “Kathleen,” I’m so sorry I’m late. Six foot two, enveloped in a grey wool overcoat, he strode across the floor and pulled Mom onto her feet so he could hug her. It lasted a long time, and Sara could see Mom was trying hard not to cry. Sara remembered how good she felt snuggled in her dad’s strong arms. She used to sit on his lap Sunday afternoon while he read the paper and smoked his one cigar of the week. When she was much younger, she’d pretended to be asleep when they got home from the drive-in so he would carry her up to bed. She always felt safe with her dad, and now she realized that’s probably what he mother wanted – to feel safe in a world that had turned upside down and tumbled her out. Sara’s gut clenched as she remembered all the nasty little acts, mean words and digs she’d aimed at her mom the last weeks, as if it was Mom’s fault dad had died. Grandpa turned and gave her a long look. “You’ve grown up since I saw you last. Have you been doing a good job of looking after your mom?”

“No Grandpa, but I will from now on.”



Come Hell or High Water

Paddling solo always takes more contemplation and courage. There is no one to share their tent if you forgot yours, or lend you that piece of equipment you left at the last campsite or lost in the river. But, promised an optimum window of good weather and high water on the South Saskatchewan River between Estuary and Lancer ferries, I was determined this trip would happen. I would bite off another piece of the river I hope to paddle in its entirety.

After a day of prep — yes it takes me that long — I ticked the last item off my equipment and supply lists. It would take an hour and forty minutes to get to the Estuary Ferry, my starting point. I wanted an early morning start. Because of the special rack my husband designed to extend the truck bed, my kayak rides safe and still. I can load as much as three kayaks on their sides and all the supplies for three kayakers in the back. It is a godsend.

Launching at Estuary Ferry

We found a fairly solid piece of land on the south side of the river and downstream of the Estuary ferry by a few feet. The ferry master was accommodating. Sometimes they have safety concerns and don’t want you near their ramp. I was on the water by 9:25 hours and moving at a fast rate downstream, with a current and southwesterly wind pushing my back.

After the first surprise of the speed at which I was travelling, I received my next revelation. I had anticipated a landscape similar to that I’d paddled from Lancer to Cabris – a lot of sand spits and scrub willow along low cut-offs. Instead I soaked in the grandeur of towering hills, cut into lacy patterns, and long stretches of verdant grass with mature poplars marching in line. There were also a lot more turns in the river than it appeared there would be from the map.

Bridge for Hwy 21

The Saskatchewan Water Authority reported this would be the three highest days of water on the river through this stretch, and they delivered. While a few times I found my paddle hitting sand, for the most part I floated over any obstacles. There was an occasional stretch of current, and what seemed like confused water charging me from all sides, like a classroom of school kids let loose for recess. I also paddled a few long stretches where the wind became a hindrance rather than a help. As I have chosen not to put a rudder on my kayak, this meant a plethora of portside strokes. I discovered if I charged at the lowest sand spit I could get my bow up far enough to allow me to exit before being swept downstream. A few times a pointing finger of rocks served me well. Lunch was an ideal of laziness in the shade of murmuring poplars. Two hours later I paddled under the bridge at highway 21.

At 17:00 hours I pulled out to make camp on a clay pan dented by the ancient hoof prints of cattle molded into its hard surface. I set up camp in the shade and enjoyed the serenity of birdsong and wind rustling leaves while I cooked dinner. My night was uneventful, except that I got cold (another lesson learned).

I broke camp and was on the water by 08:10 hours the next morning. As I stood on the bank, making a drowsy sounding video on waking, I could see a great difference in the speed of the water. Now the surface was covered with small bits of detritus and floating foam bobbles. The temperature was supposed to be in the mid-twenties again, and the wind remained south southwest from what I could determine.

The big excitement today was a good learning lesson. Hot from a half hour stretch of paddling with a wind quartering my bow, I decided to float in under an overhanging poplar, protruding from a muddy cut bank. I usually seek out cut banks because they indicate the fastest water and most help. As I came on the branch, I reached up to hold myself in place – I would just rest in the shade for a few minutes, as I do when paddling a lake or slow river. But folks don’t try this at home! The current was having none of this stop and stay approach. I found my head smothered by a wreath of leaves and branches, while my kayak continued downstream, leaving me hanging onto the branches, and tilting sideways. Water streamed into the cockpit before I fought free and the kayak turned over. I extracted myself instinctively, and even managed to catch my hat and thermos as they floated by. My big concern was staying with the kayak and not being marooned on this isolated piece of river. The water had carved a series of steps into the cutback, and I managed to find footing in the muck and heft the bow of my kayak up onto the first shallow step. From there I pushed it higher, a feat of strength only possible because of the huge shot of adrenaline in my bloodstream. My pump worked like a charm, I sponged out the remaining water, and straddling my vessel was back in my seat and rushing downstream backward. I had lost nothing but my sunglasses (I always wear inexpensive ones because of just this happenstance). By the time I turned Joy (my kayak) downstream and sorted out the gear in my cockpit, I looked up and saw the Lemford Ferry across the river and only about five minutes downstream. I floated past midriver, seeing no sign of a ferry master.

I hadn’t expected to see the ferry until late afternoon, so I needed to re-calculate my time. Why set up camp for a second night if I was that close? I sent a text off to Den telling him I’d be at Lancer between 18:00 and 20:00 hundred that evening. It joined the cue of texts informing him of my progress. I had no satellite service at any time on this trip; neither could I get a GPS reading.

Nature’s clothesline

Twenty minutes downstream from the ferry I saw coming up on the north bank the most beautiful tree, stripped of bark, its shining surface beckoned me. Here was nature’s clothesline, a scenic spot to dry out. Because of the speed of the water, the only way I could land that second day was to paddle past a spit of rock or sand spit, turn against the current and paddle back up into an eddy, getting my nose on the shore in the protection the quieter water provided. Dressed in the spare clothes from my dry bag, my belongings stretched across the tree and drying in the sun, I ate lunch and rested.


Verdant grass and mature trees.

Two hours later I was back on the water. I paddled my usual two hours before pulling in on the south side to rest in the deep and inviting shade laid down by a row of trees. As I contemplated paddling for another four hours, little did I know I was almost done. Back on the water, I followed the south shore in the fast water of a cut bank. I had been fighting wind for quite some time, this point in the river curving north east so the wind was quartering on my bow again. Twenty minutes later, I looked up and saw the Lancer Ferry. Unable to believe I was there already I scoped it, then dropped the binoculars and paddled with the strength of a madwoman, aiming directly into the north shore and fighting for speed over distance. I did not want to sweep by the ferry mid river. The wind slapped the side of my kayak, but my trajectory to the Northshore shortened, and became doable. As I approached, wondering if the ferry master would see me, he suddenly started across to the other side. I was so thankful, because I couldn’t land upriver of the ramp, without hitting my bow hard on reinforcing rocks. He told me later that he just wanted to get out of my way and make it easier for me not to hit the cable. I floated past the ramp, turned up river and paddled into an eddy. There was enough sand/mud shoreline for me to get my bow established and hop out. It was 15:40 hours and I was nine hours ahead of my calculated schedule. The river had risen five inches overnight, because of heavy rains in the Calgary area, and almost doubled my paddling speed. What a whoop!

Dalton, the Lancer ferry master, demonstrated all the best of human beings, offering me his truck to drive up the hill for a satellite signal, then his landline on the ferry so I could reach Den, a chair in his a/c office and a ride up the hill to it. As I waited the two hours for my shuttle in total comfort, I could barely believe my adventure was over. Never have I encapsulated so much into such a small window of time – action, lessons learned, innovation, beauty, solitude, gratitude, adventure. This exploit will go into my journals as one of the best. Life delivered everything in plenty, helping me rise above health issues and prove again I can do anything I choose.

Unloading ending of day two.

Wind ruffled clouds and water.

A deer leaps away at my approach


A Prehistoric Paddle


Badlands- 75 million years of carving.

Arrival at the summit leading down into Dinosaur Provincial Park, Alberta, left me breathless, and that wasn’t because I climbed it on foot! I was looking over forty-seven square kilometres of sculptures carved out by glacier melt. Table top rocks balanced on slender columns, hoodoos formed fascinating castles. Curves melded, caves beckoned and chasms promised untold treasures. And I would paddle through this timeless terrain.

My paddling mates Barbara and Nadine arrived at our booked campsites ahead of my husband (who had volunteered to shuttle us) and me. They had their tents erected, and we all pitched in and got a tarp up and the table beneath, just as the skies opened and rain poured down through supper and most of the night. It didn’t stop us from enjoying a chicken stir fry cooked up by Nadine, and the fresh baked apple pie I’d made. We also enjoyed a rousing game of cards. I took the easy route and stayed with Den in a hotel in Brooks, a thirty minute drive from the park.

Early morning found us at the gravel and dirt boat launch in the park. The water wasn’t high and there was a steep bank formed by several sand and mud shelves. Packing kayaks is a slow and steady job, and three male kayakers arrived at the launch from upstream as we finished. They were most helpful in pushing us off our precarious perches.

Victim of past floods.

The river was quiet, with little sign of surface current. We headed downstream to the northeast. Scenery was splendiferous, from trees made skeletal by the last flood, to sandstone carvings and mudstone flats.

Caves and, chasms

We found the water level low, and many times over the two-day paddle found our kayaks in six inches of water, as we raced for more depth before getting hung up on a sandbar. Progress was side-to-side, as much as forward in places, as we aimed for the cut banks and the deeper, faster water.




Lunch anyone?

A handy sandbar provided a place for lunch and a stretch. Then we paddled until looming clouds and the growl of thunder in the west warned us to get off the water. We settled for a sandbar stretching out from a sheltering bluff with enough Russian Willow trees to provide purchase for our tarp. Nadine, who is a tarp guru, had it up in minutes. We stashed our kitchen gear on a tarp under the shelter. Our tents provided bright splashes of color as the sky darkened and rain blasted us for several hours. I had a nice nap and woke to the smell of food cooking. Called to dinner under the tarp, we feasted on ham steak, new potatoes and squash.

By 9:30 pm the storm had moved off and a brilliant evening followed. While I enjoyed a quiet walk along the shoreline, Nadine and Barbara reported they took in the sunset bathing the monuments in gold and scarlet as late as 11:30 pm.

Faced with a cloudburst.

Barbara cooked a full breakfast of pancakes, ham, eggs and fruit. We don’t suffer for food on our trips – they’re all about the eating! We were packed and back on the water at 9:15 am and paddled for two hours. We were just about to land for a lunch break when another cloudburst set us scrabbling for the protection of a high bluff. Pulling up against it, we waited out the short spate of rain, not wanting the bother of putting on our spray skirts. At this point Nadine checked her maps and discovered we were just a few kilometres from the Jenner Bridge, where we would meet Den and pull out.

We arrived only to find our transport missing. This was not like my husband, who would normally be there hours earlier, parked and looking down the river for his first glimpse of us. When I questioned his absence, I learned Nadine and he had spoken of a small campground a kilometre further down river, where it would be much easier to take out. But—and here is the big mistake no experienced adventurer should make—not one of us locked in the final destination, or a plan B.

We decided to eat lunch under the bridge in hopes he was just late and would show up. While the cement embankment made for a comfortable picnic spot, the steep incline would make taking out almost impossible. We guessed Den had gone on to the campsite, but couldn’t move out in case he hadn’t. Our quandary was solved short minutes later, when the three male kayakers we’d met the day before, at the launch, paddled by. They agreed to tell Den we were at the bridge, and say we would wait there for him. In short order he appeared, and we locked in take out at the campground and paddled away.

Brooding clouds and quiet water.

Unloading three kayaks and loading them and all our equipment into the back of the truck was a good workout. We were happy to sit in air conditioned comfort as Den shuttled Barbara and Nadine back to their vehicle. At Dinosaur Park we decompressed, before we separated, by enjoying the parks famous ice cream. We had a lot to celebrate. Though black clouds brooded above us both days, we were sheltered from heavy rains, had quiet water, minimal wind, no bugs and mid twenty temperatures. Toasting our successful paddle with our favourite flavour mounded onto a crunchy cone was definitely a good choice.

Paddling buddies.

How you cope with the conditions and changes determines the success of your adventure. Experiencing the inner workings of your paddling companions adds a deeper element to any trip. I am most fortunate to have two innovative, strong and courageous paddling companions, one bringing calm logic, the other eternal optimism to the mix.

My Review of Broken Trust by C.B. Clark

Coming out of an abusive marriage, Natasha Hartford, illustrator, has little reason to trust anyone, especially Detective Chase Brandon, who considers her a suspect in a murder. Caught up in a situation caused by her ex-husband, Natasha works with Chase as the body count rises. While he insists on guarding her, and she insists on helping him, the feelings between them grow. Hartford does a good job of showing me the building attraction, despite the distrust that continues between the two protagonists. The author inscribes detailed scenes that impress like hieroglyphics—no doubt because of her work as an archeologist. She has a gift for getting inside her protagonists heads. The continual fast pace of the plot satisfied my need for action and intrigue.